Why saying “I’m sorry if…” is a bad idea
Did you know that nonpology, fauxpology, and ifpology are words? It says a lot that Wikipedia has an entry for “Non-apology apology”.
Apologies that start with “I apologize if…” arise naturally to the lips for several reasons that I can think of.
The most common reason that people use an ifpology is so as not to lose face in the current situation. People also use it when they don’t think that they did anything wrong but there’s a social pressure to apologize. I like to think of that “if” as an escape clause that allows them to prevent further discussion.
If you’re not certain what the other person is feeling, it’s tempting to say “I apologize if…” and really mean it sincerely. But hearing that “if” may sound insincere to the other person and undo your good intentions. It’s better to say, “Is something wrong? Can you tell me what you’re feeling?” And then you’ll know what to do.
